The Impact of My Mother’s Death
Death can happen in so many different ways, for example: suicide, cancer, car accident, heart attack, brain haemorrhage etc.
This exercise will be very painful and confronting and may trigger emotions that have been suppressed for a long time. The biggest mistake we make is leaving our emotions in our body without giving them a voice, basically ignoring how we feel.
We often do this because there is no-one to talk to about our pain unless we pay a therapist of course and some of us can’t afford to pay for therapy. Our friends may show signs of being sick of hearing about our loss, so we stop talking to them. Unfortunately, the energy of grief is building up in our body and taking over. Grieving can be an exhausting experience that can last months or even years.
This very difficult exercise is to remember how your mother died and how her death impacted you personally, mentally, professionally, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually.
May I share: My mother died 48 days after her pancreatic cancer diagnosis. I sat by her bedside 24 hours a day until she took her very last breath. The journey was absolutely exhausting, yet there was another part of me that was so deeply blessed to walk the journey from life to death with her. I had flashbacks for months after her death and watching her suffer the most horrendous and cruel death took a huge toll on me. I hated watching my mother suffer so much, honestly, it killed me on the inside. I felt like I was suffocating and the sensations in my body were overwhelming. The tightness in my chest felt like it was crushing me. I felt dizzy and weak and exhaustion was taking a toll. Because I was the only one that sat with her 24 hours a day, I was the only one that witnessed every minute of her deteriorating and her suffering, therefore, no-one can really know what it was like for me, so I am left in isolation. The way she died had a huge impact on me without a doubt.
Take your time with this exercise and really get in touch with what you felt about the way that your mother died. It will be painful remembering.
If you notice sensations in your body as you do this exercise, please write them down because they too need to be given a voice. The sensations are an expression of your grief and are living inside you too. You may notice that the sensations you feel when you do this exercise are the same that you were feeling when your mother was dying.
Be kind to yourself during this exercise.